It is par for the course for me, I start to write with a plan in mind but it never turns out as I expected, I just let the thoughts run free and take it from there. Now despite the title, I’m going to be focusing on the first part and how really it has affected the other parts.
This was the year that I turned 50 years old and I made it a mission that this year was going to be my year. Not only did that prediction come true, but some unexpected results came from it. It is very easy for me to say that the first six months of this year were the best that I have ever had. Those aren’t just words it is the truth. This year I was able to do some things that I had always wanted to do, but more importantly, the kindness of some had a profound effect on me.
Now I would like to say that it was all for the positive but unfortunately it wasn’t, the way that I was treated as a person earlier this year had an effect on me that has lasted the year, and perhaps it will last longer. Honestly, if you had seen me at the 50 freaks party this year or at BBW I very much doubt if you would have been able to pry the smile off my face, I was the happiest man on the planet. Even at BBW when I was disrespected I just shrugged it off, well, at least I thought that I did, but in hindsight it was something that increased my pride in myself. Overall though I was blessed with kindness, with kind people and I was made to feel like a king. Things that I always wanted I got and there couldn’t have been a happier man. Changes were produced as a result of it though, but I guess in a way they weren’t changes because it was something that was always inside of me.
Respect has always been a huge thing with me, it always goes back to the way that I grew up, I saw some very dark times and I made a pact with myself many years ago never to allow myself to be treated less than an equal by anyone. Now don’t get me wrong, when you attend spanking parties you’re not going to like everyone and certainly not everyone is going to like you, but I treat it like a work environment, you can still act in a professional manner when dealing with others. I’m not sure if it was because I turned 50 or because I was made to feel so good about myself but that professionalism started to wane as the year went on. It could also be that I have been doing this for so long now that my focus on what was good with life started to take more precedence as to what was important to me.
Earlier this year someone emailed me in a manner that I am not used to. The person felt that I was disrespectful to them and that I treated them as less than an equal. It was something that bothered me because one, I felt that it came out of left field and the persons perception of what they felt that I thought about them was completely the opposite of what it was. Here is the deal though, I can’t change the way that they felt and having been the recipient of disrespectful behaviour, I actually sympathized with the person that I had made them feel that way. Of course I still disagree with it, but I think that is in part because there was no deliberate act on my part. The was nothing malicious and I had no intention of being disrespectful to them, but at the same time if they felt that way I can’t deny them their right to feel the way that they do. The one thing that I can do however is see it as a lesson and try to make sure that it doesn’t happen again with someone else.
This really is the crux of what I am talking about today I think. It is such a simple thing that it is hardly worth saying but I will say it anyway, how hard is it to treat people respectfully? I’m not going to deny that I am confused, inside of me there is nothing but happiness and I want to enjoy being with like minded people, I have such a hard time wrapping my head around treating someone badly. Cousin Joe, who is probably the nicest person that you are ever likely to meet in the spanking world, has written about it numerous times, we are a community with so few people that it is hard to fathom why some behaviors exist among our group.
Those behaviors have always been there I guess, what I think has happened though is that my tolerance towards them have evaporated to a point that I no longer try to make nice with the people who I perceive treat me as a lesser person. Spanking to me isn’t any one of the games that are played. I’m not in this to be better than someone, I don’t do it because I can spank harder, spank longer, spank better than anyone else. Despite the game that I have played along with for many years about Richard Windsor’s ego, I really don’t have one. It is a part of my act, the flamboyant part of my character that a lot of people enjoy. Quite frankly I am as humble as they come and if you have ever seen any of the “What would you do” videos you will know that I practically always play the “Heel” in the videos. I have been the asshole, the stalker, the over the top – top, in fact Mike Tanner and I even did our own version of Spankback Mountain!! Clearly an ego is not something that I take too seriously.
There was one incident at a party this year that bothered me a bit and it actually had nothing to do with me. A friend of mine was mocked because of their playing style. Not even though I wasn’t involved I am able to sympathize. I’m a very astute person and I see when people are trying to one up me, I only wish they realize that by trying they have already lost. Most men can spank harder than I can, they can certainly spank longer and dare I say they are more dominant than I am. The thing is though, none of that matters to me. What I am in this for is the psychological aspect of what we do. They can spank longer and harder and better, but they can’t have the one thing that I have, fulfillment that I got out of something that I had always hoped for. It is impossible to match that. If I was to give something as simple as a playful birthday spanking and the interactions between me and my partner leave me fulfilled, there is nothing that can match that.
It is pretty simple math really when you think about it, be nice to people. The latter part of this year I think have been good to me, there are some friends of mine who think that something bad has changed within me because of the way that I now interact with people, but they need not worry in the least, I can assure you that I am happier now than I have ever been. What has changed in me is my tolerance for dealing with people who treat me less than respectfully. It is something that I tired of and it has got to a point that I no longer try to make nice. Friendships have ended this year because of things that have been written about me, things that in the past I would try to work around. It is something that I will no longer do, my friends don’t challenge me in such a manner, my friends like me and do what they can to make me feel important to them, as I try to do to them.
Probably the one area that I do need to change though is how I deal with the people who always seem to have something shitty to say to me. As I said above, my friends don’t do that so I can’t exactly call these people friends, what I can do is change my approach to dealing with them.
My life has been so good this year and I have been blessed with such wonderful things that I have become spoiled. Where my friends feel that I may have become standoffish that is not a true reflection of who I am. What I am doing is that I am doing things that make me happy, why wouldn’t I? The one thing that did change is my tolerance towards people who either don’t treat me as an equal or are always looking for ways to put me down. It is something that I no longer accept in my life. It is an old adage, laugh with me, don’t laugh at me. I’m no human pinata for anyone and I won’t tolerate that type of behavior. It almost came to a head at Shadowlane when one person who has never been friendly towards me put me down in front of a group of people. I tried to challenge the laughing fool but it went over his head. Here is the rub though, I let it get to me to such a point that I fought back. That is the Richard Windsor from 1981, not 2013, and it is an approach that I need to change. There is a dark side to me and I suppress it with all my might, I just guess that there are some people who want to push it to see what reaction they might get.
As I said earlier, it is simple math, just be nice to people. I think the hardest time that I have is that people don’t see things the way that I do. There is no hate or spite in my life and I can’t understand why people have it. If I don’t like someone I don’t make it a mission to make sure everyone knows about it. What is important to me are the genuinely nice people in this life, and there are many of them,both men and women, and I count my blessings that I have so many of them in my life. Actually I shouldn’t count my blessings because I make it happen, I gravitate towards kind people, they are what makes me happy.
There is nothing that I would change this year other than reacting negatively towards hate, that isn’t who I am anymore. As time goes on everything always comes out in the wash, it is a natural progression in life. You find out where you stand and most importantly of all, you find out what you mean to people. My life couldn’t be happier.
So cut the bullshit, change your life for the better. Focus on what makes you happy, not sad. It was the reason that I left Fetlife, it was no longer making me happy.