It is hard to believe, but today marks the 10 year anniversary of this blog. Started on December 23rd, 2006, I actually made my first post the very next day on the 24 of December, 2006. Over the years many blogs have come and gone, but I have been fortunate enough that I have been allowed the time to maintain my one for a decade now.
As you are no doubt aware, this year hasn’t been the most productive in terms of posting as have the previous nine, but I intend on sticking it out for another ten years if I can. It is just one of those things, real life sometimes takes hold and my work schedule has reduced my posting activity this year.
Starting next week I will begin posting my annual top ten lists from the year, beginning with the ever popular top ten posts of 2016. There is always one post in particular that sticks out every year, but I’m not a stat whore so when I find out what it is, it will be as much of a surprise to me as it will be to you. One thing that I do know, because I did do a count on the story views/reads for the year, is that this year will mark the first year that the story of the first spanking that I ever gave is no longer the most read story in a calendar year.
It is really insane the amount of times the stories get read, even though some of them have been up for ten years. The stories alone are read 230 times a day combined, that’s 1600 times a week and 84,000 times a year. I think that it is telling me that I really should write more stories.
Anyway, more tomorrow, for now though I hope that you all enjoy the festive season no matter what holiday you celebrate, and may peace be upon you all.
Look who’s back!! As you may well know I have spent a significant portion of my time this year working on the road at our Boston office. I’m really happy to say that during the last ten days I have now closed that office up and I will no longer be required to go up to Boston. Because it is just a part of my working life I don’t think that I ever truly appreciated how much these trips took of my time. It’s good though because I want to get back to posting more frequently, and now I should have more time to do that.
Because I don’t get to take my normal vacation time I almost always have to take it at the end of the calendar year just to use it up. That means from Thursday of this week I will be off until the New Year, which will allow me to catch up on things that I have neglected. One of those items to be done is the last interview that I did with Dana Specht. Due to not being in communication on a frequent basis I missed her original summer trip, and as my time has been so precious I have yet to edit the video. So during my time off next week I will finally get to render the video.
Also, on Friday, it will mark the tenth year of this blog. Can you believe that? Now I know that this year hasn’t been my most productive, but I fully expect to have this blog for another ten years. In fact to get back in the swing of things and to celebrate 10 years of blogging, I am going to take a post of each of the last ten years and post them for the next ten days. It might stretch to eleven though as I will probably do something a little special for the anniversary.
The unfortunate part is that I haven’t taken any spanking pictures myself in forever. The last one was where I spanked Pixie at my workplace in front of the Empire State building, but other than that it has been an age. There are probably 200 pictures that I have taken with ellee that haven’t been posted, but these will all be from the same scenes, just different angles. Maybe I can go through my archives to find an unposted photo from years ago.
So first on the agenda is the third post I ever made on here where I tell a quick story of the first spanking that I ever gave back in 1979. Every year up until now this has been the most popular story by a country mile. Each January I give you my top ten lists for the year and this story has virtually double the number of views to the second story. That changed this year though, for the first time in ten years this story is no longer the most read story on this site. Just a side note with that, even though I haven’t posted as much this year, people continue to come here to read the stories in their droves. This year so far I have had 82,000 plus people just read the stories in the calendar year to date, which is in the region of over 200 times every day a story of mine is clicked on.
Anyway, it is a flashback story to start with. This story helped to shape a lot of who I am now and some of the things that I enjoy can be directly related to this original scene. It’s funny when I look back over the active years and how this story has helped me, and probably not, surprisingly, as people may expect. Because I have such a strong mindset in regards to spanking I know what it is that I enjoy, and alternatively what it is that doesn’t appeal to me.
So enjoy the story and I will be back tomorrow with another post, this time from 2007.
This story details the first spanking that I ever gave and holds a special place for me. The pictures in this story are taken from my two movies THE CHEEKY BABYSITTER and SCHOOLGIRL BLUES.
THE FIRST SPANKING
It is now 37 years ago that I officially began an actual life of spanking, a very fortunate experience that helped shape the person I am. At that point in my life I was very confused with my thoughts of spanking, certainly the beatings I suffered as a child were no source whatsoever to fuel those desires, and still I was fascinated by the whole thing. When you suffer at the hands of someone else for so long you develop a certain sense of survival skills, skills that aren’t measurable, but skills that nonetheless protect you from the outside world and the capability to form functioning relationships. The first time I ever trusted a girl to let her become my girlfriend wasn’t until I was 16 years old, that’s right, I had never sought to form a relationship with a girl until I was 16. Most of that came from the fact that I never wanted to subject anyone to my life, the fact that I spent every day of my life in fear, wondering whether this was going to be a good day, or a bad day.
Being that I began to work in the later months of my 15th year, and now at 16 working full time, it gave me new kinds of freedom that I had yet to experience. The institutionalized fear was still there, it had always been there so it was going to take many years to break the cycle of being mentally controlled, I would even go as far as to say that even at 48 years old there are still aspects that affect me when forming relationships. The defense mechanism that has always been present to prevent myself from getting hurt, it probably isn’t always a good thing; however it allows me to maintain control of myself and my own destiny.
When I started to work I formed a relationship with this girl who like myself, had had a very rough time growing up. She was also 16 and like most young people from council estates back in England at that time (1979) she was economically forced to earn her own keep and contribute as a financial source to the family. We actually hit it off really well and were very soon doing all the flirtatious teasing and immature things that young people do. Being that both of us were not in a position of wanting to introduce each other to the hidden aspects of our lives, we would spend our time hanging out in secluded areas. Sitting in parks at night, finding spots in vast fielded areas where we could hide and fool around, petting and groping and even just laying there snuggled up together.
A big part of the fooling around of course was my swatting her butt at every opportunity I had, there had never been any nudity up until that point other than hands going through clothing during the make out sessions, a blue ball nightmare if you ask me, lol. Still, any spanks that were landed were on her jeans, her skirt, her slacks, pretty much whatever she was wearing on any given day. She only ever put up token resistance and every time it happened it was always accompanied by roars of laughter and fun. The very first time that changed, and the image that I always associate with spanking, happened one day at her Mum’s house.
This was the first time that I had ever been in her Mum’s house and even to this day I don’t recall where her Mum was that day. All I do remember is that she had invited me to come to her house after work as we would be able to have a couple of hours inside a house for once, instead of sitting in a park or a secluded field. We rode our bikes the two miles or so and entered her house through the backyard, in hindsight this was perhaps because she didn’t want any nosy neighbours catching her bringing a boy home and then having to explain that to her Mum. In no time at all the two of us were laying on the couch making out, my hormones raging as I held one hand onto the back of her head and the other grasping her bottom underneath her skirt.
The petting was hot and heavy and my mind was only in one place, was this going to be the first time we went all the way? At some point in the proceeding she literally had to push me off her as she made some excuse about getting a drink, at my age now I completely understand that she was probably fighting the urge just as hard as I was,and in her situation being that it was her Mum’s house I don’t blame her for one minute. So yet again I was left with the complete frustration that all teens go through as I waited patiently for her to return. When she returned, instead of sitting next to me she sat on the edge of the couch that we were making out on.
I was like a rampant bull though, watching her sit there flustered and sipping at a glass of water I edged myself over to where she was. There was nothing stopping my desire to continue with our make out session though, and very soon my hands were all over this girl who had suddenly turned into the ice queen. I’m not sure if it was her teasing, or whether or not she just knew that she shouldn’t carry on, but all of my advances were being rejected completely. The next thing she did is the one that has plagued my mind for 37 years though, it was the thing that set in motion my real life experiences in the spanking world and forms an image that I always want to seem to create.
As my amorous self continued to try and persuade my prey, something bratty came into her mind, it seemed obvious that she felt I needed cooling down a bit and she poured a decent amount of water over my head. At first I was stunned until she let out a rapturous laugh, and then I didn’t even stop to think about what I was going to do. I unceremoniously hauled her off the arm of the couch and straight across my lap, the glass holding the remains of the water flying across the floor. Now I had never done anything like this before with her, everything that we had done had been with disheveled clothing, but this time without even thinking I immediately raised her short skirt in a flash.
My eyes bulged; there, beneath me is this squirming girl whose bottom is covered by these flimsy white nylon panties and a hand that is furiously working to either pull down her skirt, or to stop my hand descending upon her bottom by trying to cover it, even perhaps just trying to maintain a little dignity and not allow me to stare at her uncovered rear. Now I obviously knew that what she was wearing was of some type of silky material as my hand had been groping it for 20 minutes or so, but this was the first time that I got to see her whole bottom in all it’s glory, anything prior to that had been quick little glimpses and peeks of her bra, her undies, her thigh, this was actually the first time that I had seen her lower half completely uncovered, save for her panties of course.
Now that I have had many experiences in the spanking world I realize that what I did next would not be an acceptable practice, but I was only 16 years old at the time and didn’t know any better. I raised my hand and brought it down onto her bottom and continued spanking the seat of her panties until she was able to push herself off of me, perhaps only a total of 20 smacks before she hit the floor. God if I only knew then what I knew now as she screamed at me “You arsehole”, then looked at the floor and said in a frightened tone “Look at this mess”
It was like the spanking never took place as we scampered to get paper towels to clean up the water. I’m sure at some point soon the water would have just dried, but it wasn’t doing so at the precise moment that we were trying to clean it. The best remedy we were able to come up with was to place the footstool over the wet area. Before long any amorous desires had left and very shortly I was also out of the door leaving behind a pretty distraught young lady, as I got on my bike and just rode around not wanting to go home. As much as I was mad that there was a possibility that she was going to get in trouble, the main thought that kept playing itself over and over in my mind was hauling her off the arm of the sofa and flipping up her skirt. Not only did I think about it all that night, I still think about it to this day. Whenever I spank a girl and I lift up her skirt, if she is wearing some form of bikini styled white nylon/silk panties then the pinnacle of my spanking world is revisited, and the session always turns into a very enjoyable one for me. Its amazing how one small act can have such a powerful effect on one person’s life.
After that event our relationship went downhill from there, we did see each other every day but we started to hang out less and less. Eventually she left her Mum’s house and ended up in a young girl’s shelter with 50 or so other troubled young ladies. I visited her there a few times but it wasn’t long before we no longer worked together and stopped seeing each other altogether. After having my own troubles for several years I did bump into her just one time, she was now 21, Married and had 3 children including a set of twins. Now that I have emigrated to America I do still wonder if everything turned out alright for her. My next piece will cover a very long dry spell, and coming to terms with the fact that I thought I was a total freak for having these spanking desires.
There is this huge folder that I have on my external hard drive that contains completely weird spanking paraphernalia, and on this drive I have only a little bit. Thing is, these items will never see the light of day because quite frankly they aren’t exactly wonderful spanking pics.
So what I think I will do this weekend is post a few in batches for the weeks ahead and pre post them all on Friday’s. There will always be something of interest to someone. Here is a t-shirt that I am just sure some of you girls would love to wear in public!! Works better for the ladies who really don’t want to wear it 🙂
My Wednesday classic this week is a little different to my usual offering, and quite frankly I am cheating. Normally I have to edit what I give you, catalog it in a spreadsheet and then add links. The reason that I use a spreadsheet is that a few years from now the inevitable questions are going to come up as to their origin and I will be able to enlighten them. I mean shoot, people lift photos from this blog already and post them under the “No idea where this came from” category already, so science only knows what will happen when a few years pass 🙂
It is also the start of the fantasy football season which does take a bit of my spare time. Last year I won the 24 team, two conference dynasty league, and I think that I did it in time because I compare my roster to the other rosters this year and I have my work cut out. Just as a side note to that, in the 13 years that we have done this league, I’m the only team out of the 24 never to have posted a losing season since the beginning. At worst my record has been 500 and that was only once. Then I also had a draft this week for the league I have been in for 14 years. This league is a 16 team league and is as tough as can be. I won this one back in 2007 but haven’t come close since. This year though I think that I have drafted my best team in a long time. Remember for you fantasy football fans, there are 16 teams so imagine the dregs that are left for your second RB. Matched up against the other teams though I like what I have, a primary of Newton, Forte, CJ Anderson, Crabtree, Desean Jackson and Antonio Gates, plus on the bench I have Christine Michael, Chris Johnson, Tannehill etc, etc. Just trust me, for a 16 team league I did well this year.
Anyway, on to the spanking photo for this week. Like I said, I got a bit lazy because I have to start work super early tomorrow and I need to get to bed. So I snagged this one off of Ebay and even though cartoon spankings are not normally my thing, this one is pretty cool. My German friends should especially enjoy it. Maybe one of them can translate it for us all?
I’m taking a little break from my Ebay work this morning to bring you a few items. Today I have a couple of old books covers and what looks life a spanking pennant.
The whole Ebay thing is keeping me occupied, I have about 500 photos left with another 500 arriving during the week. Most of the items I put up as a fixed price but there is a small portion that I put up for auction. To be honest it is pretty exciting when people bid on your items. Aside from the fixed price sales, I currently have three auctions that all have bids. The first one is no surprise, I totally expected that one to go.
Closely following on from swimsuit photos, the next best thing to sell is old cars. Yes, I know this isn’t a car, but you get the picture. Whereas virtually every swimsuit picture sells, not every single car one sells, but enough to count that’s for sure.
Slightly different this week for my Wednesday Classic. I’m on the road right now working in New Hampshire so I don’t have my archive with me. Coincidentally, on that subject, you know that you have made it when your company books you a room with two twin beds. For the uninitiated, in England we would call them a single. I mean, seriously, a lard ass like me needs more than a 36″bed width, lol.
Anyway, short and sweet, here are a gaggle of Ebay links where various spanking items are up for grabs, it is amazing what you can find on Ebay that is spanking related, a lot of it quite unique.
Years ago, before there was a plethora of blogs, I used to earn somewhere in the region of 12-14% of my annual salary from the links on this blog. Of course back then I was earning significantly less than I am now, and a few years ago I stopped posting referral links in favor of turning my blog into an archive of rare, unseen spanking pics. The one link that I left was Hot Movies over to the right there, that one has always had a good payout for me. I think that the reason that I got so lucky is that at the time, Hot Movies only offered 25% commission, and when compared to the 50% commission of most sites, hardly anyone jumped on it. I’m fortunate to have been one of the first spanking blogs to get on board because while it sells at half of the other sites, the amount of sales can be 10-20 times as many. Plus, a lot of other spanking bloggers snaffled the site directly from my site, and because of that I get 5% of what they earn as well. Hot Movies dropped the commission to 20%, but for those of us who were long time promoters we were Grandfathered in and we kept our 25% commission.
Why am I telling you that? Two fold really. One is for other bloggers to jump on board, and secondly, because I have been promoting a bit lately, this week my payouts went through the roof. It comes in ebbs and flows, but this week I earned enough to pay for the site for the year between the commission and sales of my own movies. A bloody good week. This will also allow me to pay back and pay for a subscription to an archive where I hope to dig up some rarities.
Now I’m not much of a numbers whore, it isn’t something that I pay much attention to in all honesty. I base my blog on integrity and the quality of the finds that I make. It is far more important to me that people enjoy my work, that is what is important to me. Of course I have been around for nearly ten years so there is a nice audience who come here anyway, but I want to be unique. A disclaimer that on Saturday’s is different, that is spam day, lol.
With that said, I do have a Twitter account. Right now I am at 956 followers and I would love to see that number increase to a 1000. So if you want to stalk me on Twitter, you can do so RIGHT HERE.
And finally for today, as I have said, I do use Saturday’s for a bit of spam, I dug through the archive of AAASPANKING to browse through the galleries.
Now let me tell you a little story before I post 4 pictures and a link to the full gallery. In the spanking scene I am fulfilled, I could want for nothing. For me it has always been about connections, the scenes that I enjoy the most are the ones where I develop a bond with someone and we are on the same page. A lot of times people will talk to me about spanking models that they have fantasized about for years, and there are times when I am quite open when I say that I haven’t played with every spanking model, not by a long shot. If we don’t have some kind of fun interaction and they don’t give me an indication that they want to play, it doesn’t work for me. I don’t mean any harm by that, but I don’t have a checklist of names I want to cross out. Almost all of my favorite play partners are people who just go to parties.
Now then, at BBW a couple of years ago I bumped into Stephen Lewis. We always have a little friendly banter over our hometowns, and on this occasion he was with a young lady. He introduced me and immediately I was like “Oh my science, those EYES”. As I reached my hand out to shake hands the first thought running through my mind was “I HAVE to spank this girl”, and that rarely if ever happens, there has to be some form of interaction, right? Nonetheless, in my mind I was saying to myself, have a conversation with this girl and see if you guys can’t get to play.
It was the next day I think when I asked a Brit who she was, and when they told me it was like my ice cream dropped off my cone. It was ZOE PAGE, a famous British top. You mean I’m not even going to get a chance to play with her? I was so disappointed, and that is so rare for me because I never base any potential spanking play simply by looking at someone. Even so, those EYES, oh my science, such a pretty girl. Then I felt like Jim Carrey in dumb and dumber.
“So what are the chances of me spanking you”?
“One in a million”
“So you’re saying there is a chance”? 🙂
Anyway, in the AAASPANKING archives I did find a promotional gallery of Zoe in action, just excuse me if I imagine a different top and bottom 😉
Yesterday I tried my hardest to write my latest article but through one thing or another I just couldn’t get the time to do so. I live just around the corner to my landlord’s 89 year old father and they needed my help. Not to worry though, I am in a writing mood so I will try and get something up with my regular Sunday post. It is great to have this forum with 1000’s of visitors each week where I can share my personal journey with you. The pen is mightier than the sword, as you will all see one day, stay tuned, I’m ruthless 🙂
So while I will write in depth tomorrow, today I am going to catch up with my spam. If you ask how this is spam I am quite open about it, what I am about to post I make money off of, and in turn I use that money to pay for my sites each year, a bit of a win/win really.
First of all, here are the latest spanking films from ShadowLane. If you sign up to Hot Movies after clicking on one of the pics below, you get 20 minutes of viewing for free.
The principal teaches and shows this new teacher how effective corporal punishment can be when used on naughty,bratty schoolgirls. The girls are spanked over the knee of both of them as well as given the wooden ruler on their bare behinds. CLICK HERE
What a bad girl! Now Mommy is going to cancel her naughty little girl’s birthday party and give her a spanking she won’t forget. Mommy takes Alice over her knee for a hard hand spanking followed by the hairbrush CLICK HERE
To show her what’s in store for her,her Mom turns her over her knee and gives her a hand spanking then sends her to bed. When she comes in to check on her,Sarah sasses Mom and gets her mouth washed out with soap. Next morning she is hauled out of the bathtub and given another spanking on her wet behind. CLICK HERE
A nice long weekend in store so what better time to dig into my vast picture archive and start sharing some of those rare spanking pics that I have. If you look closely you will see above that I have added a new page entitled “Windsor’s Bible“. Now a lot of you may know that I am an Atheist, so I do want to point out that this is not a page to mock anyone. I was going to call it a Spanking Bible, but I have to restrict the lettering to save space. In a nutshell, much like the religious bible, there are many books that are not included in it. Over time my goal will be to add to the page and present something a little different. My view being that how can you tell the full narrative when there is important information missing. Fear not, I will make sure that all of the missing information is included. That will be a project that will be added to over time. I have a feeling that you will like what I have in mind.
If you go to Ebay, put spanking as the search term and then sort by “Newest added”, you can find all sorts that are spanking related. Here are a couple to get you started, A naughty kitty paddle and what better place to apply it than a pair of punishment panties!!
Going back to what I started with, if anyone takes offense to the title of my new page then please let me know. This is a spanking blog and it is supposed to be a positive place. My goal being that the people who come here get to leave feeling a little happier than when they arrived. I’m nine years into bringing enjoyment to you all and the last thing that I want to do is offend anyone, I’ve already lost my fair share of friendships because of my belief.
Whenever I start typing I never really have a set goal in mind, I just go with the flow and see what comes out. I guess another piece of personal info that I can share is that I ardently follow politics. When I was a young man in England I used to canvas for the Labour party and the group that I belonged to was the “Young Socialists“. Now as I grew older (plus I had moved stateside) my views obviously softened, however, I can’t help but feel a little nostalgic about Bernie Sanders. Unfortunately I am only a resident of the USA so I can’t vote yet, but I can donate my money and say that I did my part. The chances of him winning are slim to none really. He whitewashed Hillary Clinton in New Hampshire by 60% to 38%, however, due to the establishment bollocks, she walks away with as many delegates as Bernie does. We are called the Democratic party, yet the will of the people is cancelled out by unelected officials whose one vote is equal to that of thousands of people.
Anyone know of any clowns that need a spanking?
In a couple of weeks I am going to be going to Vegas for a little spanking party. It has been a couple of years since I last actively took part in spanking parties, though the last two of 2015 I did at least start to play again. I’m really excited about this one though, and even though I don’t even go to the spanking playground of Fetlife anymore, I already have five play dates and I have hardly done anything yet. One of the things that I am really looking forward to is recording some spanking interviews for you again, I know that they are liked because people still ask me for them even today. As it is a restart of a series I am going to come up with a snazzy title for the interviews, in this instance re-branding is a absolute necessity.
From what I have seen on Twitter, this is what Cousin Joe currently looks like.
Anyway, I’m out of things to say right now, I want to start with a draft for the Bible so that I can be ready to post it at a moments notice. Here are a few more spanking pics for you.
Finally, I have some time on my hands were I can sit down and write for a change. So I have my Hazel Dickens collection playing in the background, lights turned down low and a clear mind to share some thoughts. It’s funny actually, on my Facebook page a friend had posted this awesome picture of a child looking scornful with the caption “The face of haters when they see something you wrote in their feed”. Hopefully that doesn’t happen here, but I know that I am taking a chance being that most people come here for the pictures that I share.
The first thing that you might observe is that there are pages missing from the menu bar above. They are not actually missing, what I have done is I have merged some of them to already existing drop down menus to create some menu space. I’m okay with two menu bar lines but I don’t want to go any further than that. What exactly I am going to replace them with I am not actually sure just yet. There are some thoughts that I have for special pages, one of which you will read about in the paragraph below.
In a few weeks time I am going to go to a spanking party and a thought crossed my mind. One thing that has constantly come up is the popularity of my old spanking zone podcasts, where I sit down and interview people in the spanking community. As there will be a number of known spankos at the party I might actually purchase a digital voice recorder and see if I can’t get a few 15 minute interviews. If you click the link above you will find a number of my old podcasts, though most of them are my past Christmas radio programs that I did. There will also be some dead links which I have never gotten around to cleaning up. If I get some time on Sunday I am going to extract the audio from one of the interviews I conducted with Dana Specht. These are all done exclusively for her website, but as some of them are up to 7 years old I doubt if she will mind if I share the audio from some of the older ones.
Now when I started writing I had no idea which direction I was going to go in, I was thinking more vanilla but you know darn well that I can’t go long without spanking coming into it. Either way the post title will be a good place holder. It is actually my favorite way of writing, just sitting down without a plan and seeing where it takes me.
One thing that I was thinking about on the way home tonight was my favorite spanking pictures. Now this type of thing could have me writing for hours as there are so many that I like. In fact this might take up one of the menu places above where I will write posts describing why I like certain pictures and perhaps including half a dozen pics at a time. I like to think that I am a connoisseur of spanking pictures and I could easily see myself writing a few paragraphs on around a hundred different pics or so.
With that thought in mind I am sure that everyone has a favorite picture, or at the very least a favorite type of setting/ambiance/clothing/scenario etc that makes certain pictures more special to them. Now I’m never asked this, but when I pose the question to myself, the one picture that I think is the best discovery that I have made, it probably surprises people. The one picture that I found that fits this bill is the college art project that recreates one of the most famous spanking pictures that exists, which is the one for the Chase and Sanborn Coffee Ad. The picture is from 1954 and while it isn’t the best picture ever made, the scene itself has been recreated untold times in pictures. So to find the copy that I did on Ebay was such a rarity that I was almost sick when I forgot to bid on it. Below you will see the original and the second pic is the college recreation from 1954.
From a position of personal taste I will rarely, in fact if I ever have, post a picture that shows genitalia. That isn’t a knock on anyone as most websites and blogs features this, it is just something that is not appealing to me. My focus tends to lean towards pictures that might be found in mainstream magazines etc, or pictures that leave you with an impression that you can create your own story to. I’m a very visual creature and I almost think I am weird in what it is exactly that pushes my buttons when it comes to spanking pictures. There is not one thing in particular, in can be a variety of different things. Here are two examples of what I am talking about.
This picture here is on my phone, and it is my happy picture, it never ceases to put a smile on my face. Should I ever get stressed then I just open the phone and look at the picture. Now why do I like it so much? It is very simple, a thought once come to my mind at what I was seeing and it has stuck with me ever since. The person doing the spanking I believe is Aunt Vicki from Texas and it is the slight smile on her face that does it for me. It is a smile that says to me “Oh, so you think you are too old for a spanking do you”? It is a thought that has stuck with me and I just love the picture.
Another picture that I love that I have never posted before is from Shadowlane. The picture features Virginia Lewis receiving what clearly looks like a rather painful lesson. It is one of those “A picture is worth a thousand words” type of pictures where I would love to hear a story about it. More than anything, I would love to hear VIRGINIA’S version of events that led to this conclusion. It is a very hot pic, as are the few others from this small set.
Part of the reason that I thought this morning that this would be a vanilla post tonight was during the journey into work today. Normally I have my coffee and I read the paper, but today I pretty much spent the entire journey looking at the Manhattan skyline. I’m fortunate that I take an elevated train to work so every day I get to see New York and it reminds me how great my life is. I’m serious as well, I find the skyline to be very humbling and I am appreciative for what I have. It was just a mellow ride all around, thinking of family and where I am.
My family outside of my immediate family is not really close. It is kind of sad really that I don’t even know if all of my Father’s siblings have left us. My dad died in 1999 and I’m pretty sure that his brother and sisters have also passed away. My cousins on my dad’s side I literally could not tell you of, I know there are some but I would have only met them when I was very young. Cousins on my mom’s side is also the same, I had very little contact with them when I was young. Some of mom’s siblings are still alive. Two of her brothers died a long time ago and I was able to go to both funerals, and of course mom died a few months ago. She does still have three sisters and two brothers living though. The reason that I mention that is because I’m not close to them so when it comes to family it is pretty much my brother and myself and that is it. Some of my older readers will know that I also lost a brother in 2009.
If you have lost people in your life then I think that you understand where I am coming from, it makes you more appreciative for what you do have. There are a lot of good people in my life so I am really blessed by that, and I don’t really have any regrets, but I do wish that some friendships had stood the test of time. People drift apart though so that happens to everyone, I’m sure that I am not alone in that. Some of my strongest friendships have developed during my time of need, which of course are the times listed above with the family deaths. I’m generally a very strong character emotionally which is a trait that I am thankful for. There is this understanding in my mind that I can only control what I do and how I feel, I cannot control that in anyone else. It isn’t something that I try to do, if a person makes a decision then I’m okay with that, it’s their decision, not mine.
Now I have to take time out and tell you a story. As I have been writing this I have moved on from Hazel Dickens to Sarah McLachlan in my Amazon cloud player.
In 1997 I went on a camping trip with a close friend and two sisters who were friends of my friend. That year the sisters had lost their brother quite tragically. We were around the camp fire and there was a radio playing over by the tents. I was snuggled up with my lady friend and the sisters were opposite. The song “Angel” by Sarah McLachlan came on the radio and the sister closest laid back into her sister’s lap and started singing while her sister played with her hair. Man I remember it like it was yesterday. At that point I hadn’t lost any close family members, but even then I got their bond in a nanosecond, it was so beautiful to watch. A bit of a buzzkill I have to admit, but it is something that I will always have as a memory.
That’s kind of what death does to you really, you never forget who has your back during those times. That is why my brother and I are so close, we have been through quite a bit so far. I know that we are not alone in that, many of you have as well, that is why I think that you will understand what I have written. It also puts your own mortality on the table and totally reminds me of that line in ‘The Shawshank Redemption’, “Get busy living, or get busy dying”🙂
I’ve certainly mellowed over the past year. A big part of that which I can’t deny was taking an extended break from the scene. It had got to the point where that strength of mine had become a weakness. That internal barometer that I have started to malfunction. It is my “Take no shit” barometer.
That will be the one area that I will try to improve upon this year, I’m going to force myself to be more social. I’m still going to take my “Me” time, but there has to be a balance. I also have to do some extra work in terms of playing. I think that if you recognize your weaknesses it helps you improve as a person. A definite weakness of mine is my far too laid back, almost antagonistic approach to playing. What is my problem you may ask? I’ve got to be honest, I just don’t give a fuck, lol.
Seriously though, I’ve never chased or played games or pined to play with anyone. There is this emotional barrier that I have that I have spoken of many times before, if someone is not interested in playing with me then my interest in playing with them also hits zero. The emotional attachment is the strongest link for me, it has to be there even in the smallest form of friendliness. Now I don’t mean that in a nasty way and I hope that it doesn’t come across that way, it’s just that I am so secure with what I have and what I have experienced so far.
There is no denying, I have received a hundred times more than I ever could have imagined in my WILDEST dreams, it has been a beautiful journey. I want for nothing in the scene. Actually I will rephrase that, I do want what I currently have because I love it.
Anyway, I threw some vanilla sprinkles in at the end there to go with the earlier spanking stuff. I’m not even going to proof read it because I was just rambling. Maybe I will post it, check all those emails people are sending me and then come back to it.