This is probably going to be a long post, so grab your soda and your popcorn.

{{Should you wish to follow an in depth discussion on this topic, I reposted this ‘blog’ on Fetlife and it has already sparked some debate. You can find that thread right here http://fetlife.com/groups/59/group_posts/802103}}

There have been several comments in various places over the last month that have made me want to write about this topic, indeed I have come under some criticism myself for the level of spanking that I deliver. So today’s question is, what exactly IS a real spanking? Comments of course are encouraged. While I may have my own opinions I respect that other people have their opinion also.

Who Defines Severity?

The first area that I am going to start with is severity, or lack thereof. In fact I was just about to say that of course a spanking has to hurt, but in hindsight I don’t actually believe that!! To me the biggest misconception in the spanking world is that in order for a spanking to join the exclusive “Real” spanking community, is that it has to be delivered as hard as is humanly possible.

Due to what I find to be an acceptable level of severity in my own mindset, I had often thought that I just didn’t like hard spanking videos, but as time has gone on I have found that my feelings on the subject were somewhat eschewed. It is true to a degree, what the reality is though is that I ‘enjoy’ spankings on the lighter side. There have been an awful lot of spanking films that I have watched and thoroughly enjoyed that were on the harder side.

How do I decide what is an acceptable level in severity in my mind, well I can tell you this much, it has very little to do with the severity itself. As time has gone on I have realized that it is the dynamics of the individuals involved that decides whether or not I enjoy a video, including the harder ones. Very shortly I am going to be promoting a new discipline orientated network/video company, and having watched their videos so far I can only say that I am stunned at the level of spanking that I was able to enjoy watching, regardless of how hard it may have been, because right from the get go you are clearly watching a very experienced disciplinarian who shows his control with poise and dignity right from the get go. Each girl cries, but they are crying because the disciplinarian has managed to reach them emotionally.

Top In Control

That I found is what my problem has been all along, it hasn’t been that the videos have been too hard for me to watch, it has been because there is little to no ‘Discipline’ going on. A test demonstrating the physical strength of the top does not demonstrate the ability to effectively administer discipline, quite to the contrary actually. On the subject of discipline, let me give you two classic examples of what I believe to be true discipline. It really doesn’t have anything to do with how hard the spanking is, it all has to do with the headspace of the participants. The first video is of Calicutie and Mr. Kaufman, and the second video is the most watched video of all time on Spankingtube. Under the videos I continue with my thoughts so please read on.

Cali’s Video

Man And Wife

Fun And Playful

I make no bones about my own style of play in that I prefer my scenes to be more fun based and perhaps, though it is in the eye of the beholder, scenes that are perhaps on the lighter side of spanking. The prime example of this was the scene that I did with Caroline Grey. The scene itself (which you can see under the tab up to ‘my videos’) was actually a pretty firm spanking, however, throughout the whole spanking we engage in a playful discussion. Over on spanking tube there were some criticism’s posted on the video that it was too playful, but at the same time the combination of both parts of the video have been watched nearly 1 million times. Clearly it reaches a lot of spankos on a level that they are comfortable with, but I don’t think that these viewers are the more vocal people, which is probably a reflection on who they are as people.

The negative comments themselves are not an issue for me because I believe in open discussion free of censorship. On only one occasion have I ever censored a comment and that was on this blog, in that instance I had shared with a friend an opinion and that person had took what I had said as fact. It was totally my fault and I should never have shared the opinion in the first place, hence the reason for having to censor the comment as it wasn’t factual. On my videos though I won’t censor what is said, everyone has, and is entitled to, their own opinion. It is a HUGE pet peeve of mine when I read the comment “If you don’t like it, don’t watch it and don’t comment”. It is like people are not allowed to voice their opinion unless it is agreeable and favorable. I fully understand that not everyone will enjoy my videos and that is totally acceptable, my feeling being that the discussion itself will decide whether or not people have enjoyed it.

Now spanking tube can be pretty brutal with its comments, basically because people are able to post with anonymity, however, how one responds to those type of comments kind of defines the type of individual you are dealing with. Should I get an individual create a fake username to attack me, I actually see the humor in it, especially if the put down is a good one. Just based on the amount of people watching the video gives me the clearest indication as to how much people may be enjoying the video, so a comment by a pissant isn’t going to worry me in the least.

‘Star’ Power

There are times that comments do bother me when they are posted on other people’s videos, especially when it is just two regular people wanting to share their own little part of this world. I can’t tell you how many times I have watched a video and wanted to meet the players involved, even if they may be presenting themselves as faceless players. So many times individuals get wrapped up with ‘Star power’ that it is like spanking models are the only people who count. That is so far from the truth, there are just so many good people out there, and yes, some of those people are also spanking models. At the Shadowlane party there of course are going to be a lot of spanking models in attendance, but the good folks to me are the ones who are good people, whether they are a spanking model or not. It is an entirely different discussion that I am touching on here, and perhaps it is one that I can elaborate on further at a later date, but I am not going to Shadowlane for the star power, the real star power are the regular folks who go to these events and make them what they are. There are of course many models who are going there who I happen to know, but I know them as spanking individuals, not as spanking models, and they most certainly don’t elevate my own status because I firmly believe that the type of individual I associate myself  defines my character. It is a difficult subject to put into words without the fear of offending anyone, and I hope that I am explaining myself correctly when I say this. As everyone on here knows by now, Pixie happens to be one of my best friends in the spanking community, and it isn’t her name that elevates my status, it is because she is one of the kindest, selfless, and most dignified individuals you could come across, that alone elevates my status and helps to define my own character. There seriously isn’t a different type of individual that I could wish for more to be able to say that I am proud to call my friend. Funnily enough I don’t know Lily Anna very well at all, despite having filmed with her, but because she is a close friend of Pixie’s I already have a very good idea that I would also probably enjoy her company as well.

My Friends

I’m getting way, way distracted from my original point, lol, but if you have read this blog at any great length you will of course understand by now that I always deviate from my original point. Just elaborating a tiny bit further before I get back to my original thoughts, there is a motto that I think applies to what I am feeling here “You are the company you keep”. With all of my contacts that I have met during my years in the spanking community, I couldn’t be prouder of the people that I call my friends in the spanking community, mostly because I no longer refer to them as my ‘spanking friends’. they are my real friends. Pixie of course is the defining model for what I look for in friendship, however, most of my friends in the spanking community don’t have a recognizable name. I think of the Southern Spanking Conference Group that I am a part of, and the Videos group, way too many individuals to actually name but two groups of people I am delighted to call my friends and I am proud to associate myself with. My ‘Girls’ (Munchkin, Sarah Rocks), you know what, I can just go on forever about the amount of really good people that I have met and befriended over the years and I really wouldn’t want to leave anyone out, so I will stop right here, the people who are important to me know who they are and they don’t need me to write it down to understand that. If the statement “You are the company you keep” is true, then I am the richest man on the planet because I have the nicest group of friends one can possibly ever wish for. The name ‘Richard Windsor’ could never be heard from again and I wouldn’t be worried, because I have already achieved from my friends more than I could have ever hoped for when I started out in the scene.

My Brother

Right, now that I am done rambling I can finally get back to my original point. I think the reason that I just posted the above was because this has been a very emotional week for me and I wanted to express my love to the people who matter to me the most. On Tuesday, out of nowhere, I was riding the bus home from work and a song came on my Ipod which made me think happy thoughts about my late Brother, within seconds I had tears coming down my face. Anyone who has lost a loved one will understand how powerful those emotions can be and the pain that you feel at those times. It gave me a little time for reflection and how important my friends are to me. It is also the type of thing that makes you put into perspective what the really important things are that one should be concerning themself with.

Symbolism

One aspect that I haven’t covered in the topic of ‘Real’ spanking is the symbolic style of spanking. This is where the act is far more important than the spanking itself. In fact you could almost say that there is very little to the spanks and sometimes it isn’t more than a symbolic gesture. Is it right for anyone to say that isn’t a real spanking? To the participants it is exactly what they want and strive for and I feel pretty assured that they get as much out of their own act as I do from my acts. These are the videos that seem to get reamed the most when they are posted because there is this false misconception that the only real spankings are the ones where the top is beating the girl unmercifully, and for me personally I completely disagree with that standpoint. The symbolic spanking doesn’t cut it for me and I can barely watch it because it is well below my own standard for a spanking, however I could never be critical of it because it is important to the individuals involved, which is the only criteria that matters.

One thing that I will say on that though, is that symbolism DOES play an important role in my own spanking play and my enjoyment of certain spanking videos. At no point could I say that it isn’t a real spanking if all of the criteria that I look for is not met, it is all completely subjective. For myself, if I get 75% of what defines a perfect scene for me then I have done really, really well for myself. The first two videos that come to mind as to what I find to be perfection both come from Shadowlane and for the most part they are simple over the knee hand spankings. Tony and Eve ‘A College Fantasy’ I have written about ad nauseum, if you really want an understanding as to who I am and how I play then you really must watch that video. I’m going to guess that it hits about 99% of what I strive for on a personal level. The other video is more fantasy based for me and is perhaps something that I would enjoy more watching than I would participating in and that is ‘Boy spanks girl, Vol 1’ and more specifically the scene between Kristie Imboch and Tom Byron. Everyone of course has their own definition as to what a sexual video is, for me it is this one though you see no sexual contact whatsoever. It is though, one of the hottest scenes I have ever watched because the sexual tension is there throughout the video, and I personally find that level of sexuality (more mind based) my personal cup of tea when I watch a spanking film.

Just go through the amount of spanking companies on the web and look at the vast difference in styles to see how many different approaches there are to spanking. At the same time though, watch the awesome amateur content on spanking tube, especially from those people who remain faceless but you are still able to get an understanding of their character and their likes and pleasures.

Can ANYONE define what a real spanking is? Is it not ALL subjective in the eye of the beholder?

Super light spankings do not interest me, perhaps unless it is about to be followed by some HLA then I might tolerate it 😉 Do I have any right though to say that it isn’t a real spanking just because I don’t like it?

I Am Man, Hear Me Roar

The hardest one to decide upon though I have found to be is what is the acceptable level of severity. I’m going to be really honest and there have been times where a video can be so hard that it puts me on the cusp between ‘This is too hard for my liking’ and ‘This level of severity is making me upset’. I’m going to guess that this part of the topic is going to be discussed more should people decide to comment on this post.

Once again though, and it is even sometimes hard to admit myself, I have no right to say that a spanking is too hard simply because I do not enjoy that level of play. As I mentioned earlier on in this post, I have found that the actual severity has little to do with whether or not I can accept it as appropriate, it ALL has to do with the participants involved. When I watched the video of Dallas and Audrey where Audrey was having her limits tested, I admitted that the spanking was too hard for my own tastes, however, I know Audrey on a personal level and I fully understand that she was artistically testing her own boundaries. You know what else, I actually watched the whole preview clip as well because at no time was I under the impression that this was anything other than a controlled situation that was agreeable by both the participants concerned. Dare I say I even enjoyed watching it.

The problem that I PERSONALLY encounter is when I see a hard spanking delivered and I am sheltered from the individuals involved. There is a certain level of protectiveness that is a part of my chemical make up, and that protective nature can, AND DOES, pass judgement on what I am observing at times. My view of an alpha male is one who protects and is one whose character is generally regarded as an respected authority, and I have a serious problem when I see what I perceive to be to ME the character trait of, I am an alpha male and I am about to show you how fucking hard I can hit someone. I don’t deny that the problem is mine alone, however I have experienced this in person at parties.

In Control

The one situation that I have spoken of several times was when an individual decided to tell me that I was hitting like a pansy, like there was some expectation that a real man should be exerting his dominance through sheer physical strength. Of course my feeling was that I WAS being a real man, because I was showing control in the situation and I wasn’t being influenced by outside interference. That view was enhanced shortly thereafter when I observed the same individual spanking someone else and they were hitting the girl so hard that their own feet were actually leaving the floor to deliver the blows. It was like they were in fear of judgement being passed that they weren’t a real man if they didn’t deliver a spanking that involved them using as much force as they had.

A word of advice for you budding young tops out there, want to know how a REAL man handles that situation? He bends over and whispers into the girls ear “You have been a very bad girl and you are about to get your bare bottom soundly spanked”. The emotional connection is far more important than the physical strength applied to the spanking itself. Any girl out there care to disagree with me on that statement?

Bottom line is, strength can only be defined one way when it comes to spanking. If a top is able to emotionally reach a bottom before so much as a swat has been landed, then the chances are they are a very experienced spanker. The level of severity regarding the spanking itself pretty much becomes moot after that and its importance insignificant should they have reached the lady’s mind before they reached her bottom 🙂

Thoughts, disagreements, comments, issues? Feel free to share your own opinion with me.