The Shadowlane party is upon us and my feelings this week of excitement have become more placid as of today, perhaps it is the calm before the storm. Part of me is on edge because I want everything to go smoothly and I want to stay 2010 Richard Windsor, 1984 Richard Windsor lurks around the corner should the right button be pressed 🙂

This is important for my readers to know right now though, we WILL be having live webcam shows!! Starting on Thursday night at 9.30pm PST (12.30am EST and 5.30am GMT) I will be interviewing Cassandra Park and that will be followed by two live spankings. What I am going to do is provide an external link for these events because I know UStream will kick me off the moment the spankings start. So check back tomorrow for the link to the live webcam stream. On Friday night at the same time I will be interviewing the lovely Erica Scott which will be followed by a very quick spanking that we are doing for a friend.

So why the surreal feeling?

Well, the pup predates the Internet and a part of me is still stuck in the fantasy world. For a lot of us growing up with spanking in our life that was all we had for long periods, our fantasies. I have been to many parties now and even to this day it is a very strange feeling, though it isn’t always negative as I will get to soon. Take this as an example, when I first came to America I started buying Shadowlane videos, this was still long before the Internet arrived in my life. The first video that I bought as you all know by now was ‘Tony and Eve – A College fantasy’. Now I don’t mind telling you this, but Eve Howard was my first spanking crush, and I think you all know what I mean by that. Having watched the film perhaps 50 times or so back in the day I adored the role that Eve played in that film, and I identified her with the type of scene I had always had a fantasy about, her attitude, the clothes she wore, the dialogue, and one of the lasting images when she received her first brief over the knee spanking and she stood there rubbing the seat of her skirt as Tony scolded her, I could literally watch that section for an hour or more.

So why the surreal feeling you may ask? Do you have any idea how many of my fantasies were met by that film? Even 20 years later it still has such an important role in my fantasies, it had a very big impact on me. So now I will go to the party and I will chat with Eve at some point, just this week I got a social email from her and a couple of tweets, it is just one example of how surreal it all is to me. For years and years I had fantasies about spanking Eve, and now I am going to talk to her face to face with generic chit chat. You know what, it actually makes me feel like I am a bit of a creep!! I’m dead serious here as well, I have often thought about writing a post devoted to the subject of fantasy versus reality and how fantasies can play an important part of ones life. When you get to actually meet someone who you have fantasized about it adds a human element to the fantasy, and depending on what your moral approach is to life, I can tell you first hand that it can be an uncomfortable feeling.

Now I just used Eve there as an example because she was the first character that fueled my spanking fantasies. There are of course others, in this order as well, if Kristie Imboch, Samantha Woodley or Virginia Lewis were at the party I would feel the same way. At some point over the years all of them helped me come to terms with who I wanted to be and what I was looking for in the spanking world, a world that of course back in the day was an unheard of event for me. But now it is a reality and it could happen, and should I ever get to talk to these ladies I will have the same feeling I can assure you, I will feel uneasy around them and perhaps a little creepy in my own mind because for each girl I had pictured all of them over my knee at some point, perhaps even as much as a hundred times.

Spanking is very aesthetic to me, even the smallest detail in a movie will have me thinking about it for years. Take the scene I described about Eve, I will take a guess that that small detail is only remembered by me, but it was a hot, hot button, a young lady dressed in a calf length 50’s skirt, Mary Janes and bobby socks to boot, all the while rubbing her bottom because she has just been spanked. It just doesn’t get any better.

Does anything that I have written above resonate with anyone? Am I alone with that surreal feeling of thinking that I don’t really think I should be here right now, like I am a bit of a creep for talking to someone who I once fantasized over. Perhaps I am alone with it, but as you should all know by now, the one thing that you get with me are my honest feelings. Either way, it is one reason why I get a surreal feeling at spanking parties.

Now don’t get me wrong here, I’m not a ‘Star’ gazer by any means, I don’t need to surround myself with stars to elevate my status, my actual friends in the spanking world are the people who elevate my status because they are the coolest cats around. The difference is that the stars in MY eyes are the people who don’t wish to be seen on film or in pictures. A lot of times I get emails sent to me from people saying I am the luckiest man alive to get to play with the girls I do, and I agree with them, the only difference is, they don’t know the 90% of girls I play with who don’t wish to be seen, they are just basing that on the people they see. So in a way I am a star gazer, but not in the conventional sense, the stars to me most people won’t ever know. In fact I would go as far as to say that these unknown people are actually the real stars of any spanking party. Is it nice to meet someone you have seen in a video or in pictures, of course it is, who wouldn’t want an opportunity to compliment someone on their work that you have seen. Cyndi Lauper said it best though “Never meet the person you most admire, they will only let you down”.