The Spoken Truth.

Over a long period of time you get enough feedback that you are able to form an opinionated guess as to what people really think of you. Now of course some of this will be good, and some of it perhaps not so good, then you also have to take into account whether or not this information will bother you.

The one constant feedback that I have got (actually there are two, the other being that I am a really nice guy, which, while true, is not what I want to talk about today) is that I am fearless in what I say, and it has been pointed out to me so many times that I am able to write about what people really think, but wouldn’t dare say themselves!!

There are benefits to having that ability of course, but then there are also downfalls, and dare I say, the view that I say what I feel without fear is not actually true. There is an awful lot that I DON’T say because the last thing that I would ever want to do would be to deliberately hurt someone. So while I may well speak my mind frequently, I do in fact hold a lot back of what I may really be feeling. Perhaps as I write this then maybe some of those things will surface.

Maybe I can start with two examples here to show you what I am talking about.

Loving our lurkers!!

Every year, Bonnie, from MY BOTTOM SMARTS, conducts an excellent community activity called ‘Love our lurkers’ day. Now I do want to get this out before I continue, less anyone think that I am a total asshole, but the actual concept of the idea is fantastic, in fact when it is time for Love our Lurkers, I always link in to Bonnie’s post, regardless of the fact that I don’t take part myself, and I applaud her on her efforts to do something positive for the community. Not only that, her constant promotion of new spanking blogs is an inspiration for others to share the love of talking about other sites of note. This is perhaps the biggest reason that I started THE SPANKING UNIVERSE in the first place, something that Bonnie and Hermione had also once tried themselves, it wasn’t for any fame and glory, it was simply to promote as many diverse spanking blogs as I could. Even today, a quarter of all visitors to the Universe come directly from my sites and I am more than happy to share my readers with the other great spanking blogs out there.

When the Universe went down I had so many people contact me looking to start it up using their own servers. Time for the truth serum again, you want to know what bothered me the most about some of these offers? These offers weren’t under the guise of promoting a community spirit, they were actually offers seen through dollar tinted glasses as an opportunity to make money!! Now then, do *I* make money from THE SPANKING UNIVERSE? The truth is, yes, I do make money, but I make money from all of my sites and the Universe is just one more place where I put up my affiliate links. The truth of the matter is, and you can take this to the bank, the money I make from the Universe is insignificant compared to the other sites I run. To enhance my point, I could have spent the countless hours that I spent working on the Universe to create another spam blog where I would really make some money. That wasn’t the purpose of the Universe though, the Universe was created to bring the community together, and if I make $20 or so a month from my links, then so be it. Had I invested that time in making a spam site, I would have made 5 times that amount a month.

So going back to ‘Love our lurkers’, and while as I said I applaud Bonnie’s efforts, it isn’t for me or my blog. I’m not knocking anyone here, far from it in fact, I am only talking of my principals and my reasons for not doing it. This is one of those times where I have avoided posting my true feelings, most certainly when I thought of doing so during the last ‘Love our lurkers’ day. It would have been ill timed and inappropriate. At this time though I feel that I can share my take on the idea and how it applies to me.

Like any spanking blog out there, I enjoy getting and hearing feedback as much as the next person, the philosophical difference that I have to ‘Love our lurkers’ day though is that I want my feedback to actually mean something to me. Now I know that a lot of blogs out there DO see the ‘Love our lurkers’ feedback as being meaningful to them, in the sense that they get to see and hear from their own lurkers. It doesn’t work for me though, I personally don’t get anything from my readers if they only post simply because I have asked them to post. Everyone has their own interpretation of what meaningful is to them, and meaningful to me means that when I make a post that reaches someone in such a way that they feel they want to respond to it, then the importance of that to me is immeasurable. I would much rather get one comment from one person because the content of what I have posted has compelled them to respond, whether it be negatively or positively, than to get 50 plus comments telling me I have a good blog.

Each to their own of course, and if you disagree with me, then feel free to tell me about it. What it comes down to is what is important to you as an individual, and I know where I personally stand on that point.

Friends!!

The biggest things that apply to me in the spanking world are what also apply to me in real life as well. They are somewhat cliché statements, but things such as dignity, honor, respect, truthfulness and pride are all so crucially important to me as a person, conversely, dishonor, lying, disrespectfulness and self serving behavior are the biggest turn offs to me.

When I apply that to the feeling that I always speak my mind, perhaps it may come as a surprise that it isn’t always the case. When the behaviors that bother me are apparent, I can simply tune them out and there really is no reason for me to address them. So while I may be truthful as a person, perhaps I am doing so without full disclosure, because while honesty is a key ingredient to being close to me I don’t ALWAYS say what is on my mind. That is a tough one to juggle because while I want to be respected for my openness, whether it is liked or not, I also want to protect the feelings of others by not saying something that will deliberately hurt someone.

Even harder is when these behaviors happen to friends of mine. It affects me far worse when something has happened to someone close to me than it does when it happens to me personally. Just recently I have had to fight so, so hard just to keep my mouth shut while my friends have come under attack on the Internet. Partially I have kept quiet because the last thing I want to do is inflame something when it isn’t necessary, however, just by human nature you want to be able to stand up for your friends when the time arises, you NEED to be counted upon. It actually hurts me that I haven’t spoken up and defended them outwardly so far, though it has been done with all the good intentions in the world which is avoiding unwanted confrontational behavior, but it can’t and won’t last forever though. Every person has a breaking point and I can only take my friends being disrespected on the Internet for so long before I come in and defend their honor. When someone is not in a position to defend themselves or their honor, that is when it really helps to be a brutally honest person. If you are seeking the actual truth, then you WILL get it from me!!

Every behavior has a consequence, and it really all depends on whether are not you are willing to accept responsibility for your own actions. Take this post for instance, it could potentially make people feel defensive, or they may interpret something that I say incorrectly and feel threatened by that. However, I am fully aware of this and I am prepared to answer for my actions, because I accept full responsibility for my own actions!! I liken it to the last job I was fired from. When I was fired from that job I blamed everyone but myself, talking of conspiracy theories and ‘in’ crowd bullying. It actually took a very good friend of mine to say one sentence to me, which was like getting hit upside the head with a frying pan. All she said to me was this “But didn’t you get fired from your last job for the same reason?”

Yep, it was the one piece I was missing, I did in fact get fired from my previous job for the same reason. Bottom line was, I refused to accept responsibility for my own behavior, and it was much easier to blame everyone else for my problems. So I had a decision to make, did I continue to work the way that I had before and be at the centre of the problem, or did I finally accept that the problem was actually me and do something to change it. Being that I have been at the same job for 8 years now, I think I made the right choice. Just for shits and giggles, and to see if anyone has read this far 😉 Anyone want to take a stab at why I was fired from those two jobs? It shouldn’t be that hard 😉

Like I said, not everyone is going to like what I have to say today, but I am prepared for any feedback. So anyone choosing to respond I do hope that you are also ready for my honest replies.

Year End Awards!!

So I have a couple more thoughts that I want to talk about, and once more I am potentially putting myself into the fire. The first of these are year end awards, and perhaps more importantly, my dislike of them.

Now my reason for disliking them is perhaps not what you think they are. The problem I have is that everything is subjective and the popularity contest plays a big part in the voting process. I guess it bothers me because so many people put in so much hard work, that I can’t help feel bad for someone who is a creative genius and they are not recognized simply because they are not as popular as someone else. Now, with that being said, if a blog owner decided to submit their OWN year end awards based on their own personal preferences (COMPLETELY free of affiliate links), then I would be all for it. Instead of crabbing about how others conduct their blogs though, perhaps I should do my own awards based on my personal preferences, and to show that I am not influenced by affiliate programs and the almighty dollar sign, all links will be free of the affiliate code.

Finally, for now at least, I want to talk about something that I mentioned in my last post. I promise that I will write about the New Year’s Eve party that I attended by this weekend, but I was on a roll today and decided to go with this post. The New Year’s Eve party post is halfway finished anyway.

Creeps!!

The last part that I am going to talk about is the ‘Creep’ factor attributed to some guys at spanking parties. Yes, it is another thing that bothers me. Now let me qualify it a little bit, some of the factors are indeed very true and some of the feelings are warranted. At a party I attended last year an incident happened and when I was told about it, it didn’t surprise me one little bit. Prior to the incident I was talking with a well known spanking model, and as happens more than I am comfortable with, I soon became the ‘best friend’ of someone whose only interest was not me exactly, but the spanking model I happened to know. I was a handy buffer for someone to use to get close to the model. As we were talking, the third party came over based on a one minute conversation we had about an hour earlier. I have to admit that I was pretty disgusted as I watched this person completely ignore me and proceed to undress the model with his eyes in a pretty filthy way. Perhaps I should have give a warning ahead of time but I didn’t, and subsequently an incident happened which came as no surprise to me.

Now then, there is a flip side to that, and I really hate to say it, but a shy, unattractive guy with little social skills, becomes the subject of the “Creep” tab simply because he is a little different to the more outgoing and attractive guys. All the guy wants to do is what all of us want to do at a party, and that is to play and have fun and try to step out of their own comfort zone as much as they physically can. It is rarely the good looking guy who is outgoing who has the creep label attached to him. I find it really bothersome because one thing that I try to do at parties is to seek out the quieter guys and try my best to make them feel as comfortable as they can. I remember at one party hearing the ‘Creepy’ tab being given to a guy, and this was a guy that I had spent a LOT of time talking to at several parties. The guy just happens to be really, really quiet and you can clearly see he is out of his personal comfort zone in such large gatherings.

Now like I said, and don’t get me wrong, there ARE creepy characters out there, it is unavoidable, but I can’t help but wonder if sometimes it is actually the girl who thinks that she is all that and a bag of chips who sees an unattractive, overweight person as being beneath them. Now I clearly understand that nobody should feel obligated to play with anyone that they don’t feel would be an enjoyable session for them, but is it fair to attach the label ‘Creep’ to someone who has probably looked in one persons direction for 20 minutes or more as they try and pluck up enough courage to ask someone to play? It is a tough one, I really do understand that, and I also understand that there are creepy characters out there and they justifiably have that label attached to them. It is just my opinion that the label gets thrown out there far too often and far too quickly.

Do I have a fix for that? Actually, I think I do!! Just as one example, let’s take spanking models. Now for better or worse, there is no denying that spanking models are very popular people at parties. They are people that are seen on film and have probably been the fuel of individual fantasies for a while, so it is only natural that people want to act upon those fantasies. I’m not elevating models above anyone else here, I know a great many spanking models and from my personal experience they are all delightful, humble, down to earth people. I’m also not criticizing people who want to play with spankos who have a name attached to them. For some it is a fantasy that they perhaps may have thought was something that was way out of their reach, only to find that it is indeed possible. For others, it could be a highlight that is the nirvana of spanking experiences for them and it will be something that they will always treasure as the years go on. On a lesser side, some people like to collect names of people they have spanked, or they like to associate themselves with spanking models because they think that it elevates their own standing in the spanking community.

Whatever the situation is, it is a reality in the spanking community. What is also a reality though is that spanking models NEVER get a break, there is always someone who wants to play with them and it leaves the person with little or no time just to sit back and socialize for a while. So what is my answer for that you may ask, and this transcends way past the spanking models, this should really apply to everyone at a spanking party.

When you are at a spanking party it is common place to get a tag that indentifies you as a top, a bottom, or a switch. Maybe we can also create a tag for everyone attending a party that allows them to have a time out from play, something as simple as a black tag to signify that a person isn’t playing right now. Think of the benefits of that for a moment, and think how that may apply to you yourself. I know speaking for myself that there are many, many times during a party where I don’t want to play, whether it be that I want some private time, or whether I just want to hang out and socialize for a good long while. Now it is easy for me because I am comfortable enough to flat out say that, but not everyone has that comfort level. Maybe a lady is bloody nervous to walk into a room all alone, so much so that the anxiety is crippling. How great would it be that she could put a black tag on just so that she can walk into a room and take her time until she becomes comfortable in her environment?

Am I an asshole?

Anyway, I think I have said enough for now. Please don’t hesitate to disagree with me, because while I may have dropped 23lbs in the last 5 weeks, I am still a big boy and I can take any criticism. Let me qualify that as well though, if you are going to criticize me, I don’t exactly sit back and take it, I will generally stick to my guns and deliver the truth serum as I see it. Mind you, you can also just leave an anonymous comment and call me an asshole, it won’t be anything new to me and it is something that I am fully aware of, I really can be an asshole when I want to be and I’m responsible enough to recognize that fact that it is one of my weaknesses as a person.