{My Internet is still down and won’t be up until Saturday at the earliest, which really blows because all of my picture sites need updating. This is the only site that I can access from work}

It was a very good one as well, in fact I would be hard pressed to think of another point in my life where I am so happy and content with whom I am right now. Certainly the past year was better than the year before when thoughts of mortality went through my mind a lot due to my Brother’s passing.

Part of this renewed vitality in the scene has been the direct result of Fetlife. When I first started in the online world back in 1999 I only ever had one goal in mind, and it was a goal that I didn’t think for one minute would be possible. That goal was simply to meet a fellow spanko and have a play date, Funny really, isn’t it? When I first started I didn’t think the online world was real, I just thought it was an extended fantasy of what the 20 years prior to that had been for me, save for a sporadic spanking session with whomever I was dating at the time. When I actually realized that it was possible to meet someone all I ever wanted was one spanking pic, which I got, but who would have ever known that I now have 1000’s of spanking pics that I am in.

It has taken many years to become comfortable with who I am and what I want, and even if I don’t have certain parts of that as of now, I am more comfortable with who I am to get what it is that I am looking for. A lot of soul searching went on to turn around from wanting to please others and what they want, to making it about what WE want, my needs are just as important.

When a lot of us started in online discussions it was on the old SIN network, and I met more people from there than I have ever met anywhere else. It is something that I sorely missed and it is why I love Fetlife so much. Taking part in meaningful discussions is something that I love to do, I think you get to learn about and discover some wonderful people through online discussions. That is how I have met most of the people in my life, through making a connection through the written word. You see how people act and behave and you develop a relationship with that person. Nine times out of ten, the way a person presents themselves in the written word is actually a true reflection of who they are as a person. Perhaps it is more so because they don’t have to deal with the horrible social anxiety when they are doing so through the written word.

As we develop in our own lives we work out what it is that works for us and what doesn’t. I’m not going to say that it is easy all of the time, but through experience you learn an awful lot about yourself, what works for you and what doesn’t. One reason for the spanking world group is that it allows me to present these thoughts to a wide variety of people and indeed learn from the views of others. For the most part it is nothing but positive, but I do encounter negatives along the way that I believe help to shape you.

The current annoyance that I am finding is the “Unwanted House Guest”. I’m guessing at times we either do, or did, become that person whether we wanted to or not. Who is the unwanted house guest? That’s the person who involves themselves in your scene when you are playing online, the one who feels they have claimed some right in interject when someone they know or are close to is engaging in playful banter online with someone other than them.

It could be subtle, joining in a conversation with the focus being turning the discussion into one between them and the person they are targeting, as they have done on 50 other threads on the board. It could be jealousy, making sure that you are aware that you are bantering with someone’s property, like a chaperone on a date they are going to monitor your every move and interject when they feel it is needed. And then there is the director, the one who contacts you personally to tell you how the person you are engaging with likes to play.

There are many girls in my life who play in the various groups, but unless it is a group thing like the SSC, I leave them alone to play their own scene the way that they want to play it. That scene isn’t with me, it doesn’t involve me, and I should have no interest in disturbing someone else’s scene. I have my own scenes, the ones that I build, I don’t need to be involved in someone else’s scene to feel a part of it or to feel wanted. Do you think it doesn’t happen? Have a look around, just watch someone try and play with another person and see who comes in to take part. Are they coming in to enjoy the fun, or are they coming in wearing their ownership badge and carrying a leash? You may be surprised as to just how little freedom some people have to be able have an online play session without someone coming in and interjecting, like they do on any other discussion involving the object of their desire.

Likewise, I don’t want to be another top’s fodder when they are playing with someone. It is like the back seat driver at a party, the one who is going to use your name and your scene to inform someone that they are going to do it better than you did.

The positives far outweigh the negatives though. The ability to find good people through discussions has already happened, though, as of today, I haven’t actually played with anyone whom I have met exclusively on Fetlife. It is close, in fact I would say it is only a technicality that it hasn’t happened yet. Both Missy Doright and Beth Eisley I met at Shadowlane, albeit only through a brief discussion with each. I didn’t actually get to know either of them properly until I joined Fetlife, so other than the technical side of things that I had actually spoken with each, I did in fact get to know them on Fetlife.

It is early days in ‘The Spanking World’ yet, but there are already ladies who have caught my eye in the way that they present themselves, people who I would one day like to get to know and people who I feel pretty sure that I would get along with in real life. There will be more people like that who come on board as time goes on I know, but Windsor is making a list and checking it twice.

So am I happy? You bet I am happy right now. I have some wonderful people in my life and I am meeting more and more. Also, I have come to the point in my life where I know what it is that makes me happy, I don’t need to compromise that in order to have fun. If someone’s idea of fun is different to mine, cool, knock yourself out, I will be looking for the play partners that make me happy. There is nothing wrong with trying something to expand yourself as a person, nothing at all, but if you try an approach and you don’t like it well nothing gained, nothing ventured, you always have what works for you to fall back on.

Sometimes people have a desire to only please the other person that they are playing with, but your own needs are just as important. I think you will find that through communication, compromise and an understanding, the both of you can get what it is that you are striving for. The focus you need to have though is what is happening between you two, not what is happening between the person you are playing with and a third party, that is their scene, not yours, just focus on your own and you will have a blast.