So I’m finally back!!

Before I even start today,  I’m going to let you know that I have turned the comments off for this post. There will be a spanking picture at the end of it,  but first off I want to tell you why my posts have been so infrequent the last few months.

There are some people who have followed this blog for nine years. Can you believe that? It is coming up on nine years that I have had this blog. So while I am aware that the majority of people come here for the unique rare finds that I bring to you every week,  or because they enjoy reading my lighthearted spanking stories,  I also know that there are some people who follow my journey in the spanking world.

Now the reason that the comments are off is simple. I’m not here today seeking sympathy or peoples condolences,  it is a given that I naturally assume that everyone will feel sympathetic anyway. Okay,  perhaps 99% of people would anyway,  there are still a few out there who can’t stand me 🙂 However,  there has been a reason as to why I have taken a break and now I am going to share that with you.

It was three months ago that our mom was feeling poorly so she went to the doctors to have some tests done. Shortly thereafter she was diagnosed as having cancer of the colon. Of course more tests were going to be needed to determine a treatment plan and the level of cancer that they were dealing with. As time went on it became clear that the situation was bad. Finally a month ago mom was hospitalized where she was informed that the cancer had spread to her liver and lungs,  as well as a generic chest area that I’m not exactly clear on,  and she was informed at that time that she had three to six months to live.

I’m fully aware that there is never a definitive time frame and that some people can survive far longer than a estimated range. Some of you may be aware that I don’t have a passport from when my Brother passed away,  and I’m not professing that mom and I had a special relationship,  we spoke every month and each Christmas and on her birthday we would have a video call,  but we were somewhat distant. Still,  this is my mom after all is said and done. So I started the process of getting my passport in order and mom and I discussed that it would be great if I could come home for one last Christmas.

Two weeks ago,  before I could even send in an application,  things took a dramatic turn for the worse. Mom had collapsed and was hospitalized. I spoke to her on the phone each day and it was clear,  the process had begun,  her speech was slurred and she was having delusions. In fact there was a funny part during this that mom and I laughed about. When my brother went to visit her one day she told him that the doctor had seen her that morning,  and to her surprise,  I was that doctor. When I spoke with her the next day we had a good laugh over it,  but she still said she could have sworn it was me. She was in the hospital for a week and then decided that she wanted to go home instead of anywhere else. At that point I was speaking with her twice a day.

Come Friday,  two days after she had gone home,  my brother called me. Overnight things had turned grave,  she had been taken back to the hospital and the doctors had informed my brother that mom only had a few hours to live,  and if she woke up from this,  she would only survive a few days at best. In a two week span we went from making Christmas plans,  two weeks after they had given her three to six months to live,  to hoping that the end was quick and painless for her.

Mom woke up on Sunday,  but she was gravely ill. That afternoon I did perhaps the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life,  I called mom to say goodbye. It was absolutely gut wrenching. Despite all that had gone on in the past,  this was still my family. We weren’t going to get that time where we could sit together for a week and find peace like I had done with my father,  I had to try and do it with one phone call. I’m not alone in this I know,  I’m aware that many people have been through the same thing,  but until you are in that situation of saying goodbye to someone,  you can’t possibly imagine how hard it is to do.

During that call mom could barely speak,  at best she was able to string three or four words together,  but for most of the time she was trying to say something but no actual words came that were coherent. I was able to establish from her one word answers that she could hear and comprehend everything that I was saying. I can’t even tell you how hard it was to stay strong and say all the things I wanted to say so that she could leave us with a content mind. There was a lot of guilt that she carried over the years in relation to me and I was determined to try and wipe that guilt away for her. I would like to think that I achieved it somehow,  at least in letting her know that I had forgiven anything in the past and that she was still my mom.

We had expected her to pass away that afternoon after I had called her,  but unfortunately she would have to suffer through the next 48 hours. My brother and her friends kept a vigil and I spoke with my brother hourly. I won’t go into the full details,  but we were just hoping that she would go soon and quickly. Even though she was in a comatose state,  one of her friends played her favorite song on her cell phone,  “Annie’s Song” by John Denver,  and for the briefest of moments her eyes opened. In a way I wished they hadn’t,  because that told me that her mind was still alert and it tore at me thinking about how much pain she was in. It was another 24 hours,  on Tuesday,  that she finally left us. The strength that my brother showed during the end was remarkable,  right up until the very end when he held her hand as she passed away.

So that is where I have been for the last few months,  dealing with a very painful situation. It’s not that I never had time to post,  it is just that my motivation to do so was almost non existent. As I have told you all before,  this blog will always be here,  it is just that real life takes over at points. This was one of those times where my priorities were with my own family. Even though the last few days were anything but peaceful and painless for my mom,  in the long run it might have been better than the three to six month timeline she had been given.

Now that I have written that,  I’m going to skip the pic until tomorrow. As I mentioned at the beginning,  I’m not looking for any comments,  trust me I know that people will feel sad over this so I take it for granted that good thoughts are out there. Many of my friends in the spanking community though have no idea where I have been these last few months,  only a handful of people knew about this in detail. Regular posting will resume tomorrow.