No matter what,  everything will fall into place. Seriously,  how can you control what can’t be controlled. You either adapt to what it is or you reshuffle the deck and the cards will fall where they will.

One of the favorite sayings that I have heard goes along the lines of  “You will never know the moments that you will remember for the rest of your life”

For 2013 I set a goal to make it the best year ever and that goal is so far on track there is nothing but happiness. Normally when I go into a spanking party I am a bundle of nerves but strangely for the party I wasn’t. With over 250 people I knew that the cards were going to fall in place.

There were many important things that happened this weekend and I didn’t force any of them,  they were either going to solidify themselves or they were going to pass by. There was a strange comfort to this approach,  and I don’t think there was any area of importance to me that surprised me. What I thought would happen,  happened. In some cases it confirmed the high platform that I stood on,  and in other cases it confirmed the various other platforms that were present.

Here are some of those important things.

The primary one was the final conversation that I had with Missy in relation to me. We had another conversation but the focus of that was different. If there was one area that I had a hard time with this weekend it was letting people down. Missy helped me with this.

Quite frankly I have never played with that many people in my life at one party,  nor did I anticipate how busy I would be with greeting,  organizing,  assisting,  preparing,  filming,  playing and guiding. There was not a single time that I was unhappy about any of it. If I left the ballroom to go to my room I did so with a smile on my face,  knowing that I was likely to get halfway there before I would have to turn back to show someone where they needed to be. It made me feel good. By the second night my voice was beginning to go and we had so long to go.

The only drawback that I had was that so many people wanted to play,  and I wasn’t able to play with everyone. That one did affect me. It almost sounds pretentious as a top to say that really,  but I know of at least four people who wanted to play who I wasn’t able to play with,  and that annoyed me. I also let someone down and that is something that really did make me feel bad. It isn’t even something that I can really control as I didn’t anticipate how little time I would have,  but seeing that disappointment on someones face bothered me tremendously. Eventually it will fix itself,  and the cards will fall where they will,  but for now I am annoyed at myself.

Missy helped me a lot with that in getting my mind straight. I knew what the answers to those thoughts were,  but she verbally said them to me. I just simply cannot play with everyone and neither can those people have an understanding as to how little time that I had. It is what it is and the cards will fall where they will.

Aside from all of that,  which was basically trying to ensure the happiness of others,  there were things that were important to me and my own happiness. Some very important things as well.

Nothing was going to disappoint me,  at a party this size ones expectations have to be tempered. The things that were important to me were to be granted an audience in some form. I got far more than I ever expected and for that I am so very grateful.

I’m such a simple person really,  easily pleased. The people that I expected an audience with I got,  not from my doing but from theirs. Just that simple act elevates those people in my mind and what I mean to them and likewise,  what they mean to me. Regardless of any play,  there were certain people whose piece of my heart they own, that they will always own that piece after this weekend.

One thing that I wasn’t going to do this weekend was force anything. If there is an environment that I don’t feel that I belong in,  or that I am not welcome in, I didn’t even try to belong there. I belong in places that please me,  and the people that do please me are sitting at home completely unaware of how highly I value them as individuals. Some of these people I didn’t even play with this weekend but they showed me that I belong in other ways.

There were even a couple of times that I should have been disappointed with the way things turned out,  but I’m not. The good that I felt this weekend far outweighs anything. So what are some of the good things?

Knowing that someone important to me was waiting for me,  perhaps even turning down play to ensure that time spent with me would happen. That was perhaps THE most important event of the weekend,  and the happiest one.

Taming the tiger.

Strengthening a friendship that had been on a temporary hiatus.

Bedtime spankings and contentment.

Being asked to sign a report card.

Receiving a text after from someone who I have known a long time but have rarely played with until this year.

Dropping a man point to Alex.

Knowing that Missy is comfortable enough with me that she can be feisty. Knowing that she can say things that will get her spanked even though she tries so hard not to say them. It is a good place to be,  the battle between good and evil,  it is a confirmation that all is so very good.

Setting a rule a following it. Only one rule and my roomie followed it for the entire weekend with the exception of the final hour where things crumbled. Almost an entire weekend passed. Unfortunately we adopted an orphan on Sunday who broke the rule herself. Do you know how empowering it was to say  “Under this roof you follow my rules”  and then deliver a short sharp immediate spanking. It was so good that the poor girl was frazzled for an hour afterwards wanting to make sure she didn’t break the rule again. A total trippy headspace.

Making sure I caned someone who I had caned at Shadowlane a while ago. I felt good that I was able to meet that request.

Seeing Laura on Monday morning and feeling disappointed. A surprising thing to view as important,  but I had spent a period of time looking for her the night before to ask her to play and I didn’t find her. It is important because it is something that I can right in the future. I wanted to play with her as much as she did with me,  if it is meant to happen it will do so at the next party.

My reactions. There were occasions that I should have felt disappointed,  but I didn’t,  they are what they are.

Contentment. I am so incredibly happy. Vanilla people don’t have what we have. Did I wish that I could have played with everyone who wanted to? Of course I do. But I couldn’t and neither will they be able to understand how little time I had. In some cases the opportunity has passed and may never happen again,  for others it will increase the likelihood that it will happen the next time.

What was most important was that some people who I hold in high regard showed me this weekend that they hold me with the same regard. They know who they are and I know who they are as well 🙂

I have a cold and I am emotionally drained. My hand is like it went through a meat grinder and I am so incredibly tired,  but just try and take this smile off my face!!

I’m not even going to review what I just wrote,  it is what it is and I know that I am happy with it,  and I had the best roommate I could hope for,  period.